they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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