dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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