Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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