Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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