a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Randomize
