I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
