Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize