I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Your mouth is God's brothel.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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