so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
