i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
