I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
