I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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