was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Randomize
