he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
my liver is dry heaving
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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