woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
