I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
