I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
