Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
