apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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