i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
