they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Little spoons don't ask big questions
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
