Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
