you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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