I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
