she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
