Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
