Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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