who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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