In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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