I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
