I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
