Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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