he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I came so hard my ears popped.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
