im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
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