Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
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Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
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I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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