I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I just found a bag of teeth...
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
