I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
