PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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