who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
