Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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