So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
now i know why i became what i already was.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
