We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Im part way to drunk.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
