you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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