I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
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It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
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Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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