i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Randomize
