I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
