Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
its liver damage thursday
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
