:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
We got so high we made milksteak
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
