He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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