please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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