Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I deserve to be covered in dicks
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
