I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
