I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
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