I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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