Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Randomize
