They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
