i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Randomize
