It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
