Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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