we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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