I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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