Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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