The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
