That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
