I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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