im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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