you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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